How To Handle Radioactive Clouds – Part 2

by admin on March 21, 2011

If there’s a cloud of radioactive debris heading my way there’s not much I can do about it so I’m trying to find ways to make the most of it. Not having a lot of luck so far but there’s still time.

Smiling in the face of disaster

One good thing that might come out of it is that it could save me – and the dental hygienist – from having to try and give me a dental x-ray. I have a highly pronounced gag reflex (sorry, I know, TMI) so that any attempt to give me an oral x-ray is fraught with danger! But with all that radioactivity in the air I could simply stick my head out the window at the dentists office and with x-ray glasses they could see everything they need.

Another possible beneficial side effect would be to pre-radiate tiny cancers brought on by all the other crap in the air. There’s a kind of irony in that really;.  breathing in stuff that might kill us but that will also kill the other stuff that we’ve already breathed in that might otherwise kill us.

And it will allow me to tell people who seem mired in minutiae and who focus too much on the unimportant things to go and get a half-life.

While I’m on the subject I’ve been thinking about what would be the soundtrack to all this. We could start with the Kings of Leon’s “Radioactive”, followed by Blondie’s “Atomic” and Diana Ross’ “Chain Reaction.” And of course we have to end with a call to understand exactly what’s happening here, Olivia Newton John’s “Let’s Get Physical” – which some people think is actually an homage to her Nobel-prize winning physicist grandfather Max Born. Bet you didn’t know that did you!

Then we could rework some old songs and give them a more radioactive flavor such as the Weather Girls hit “It’s Raining Rem”, the Ramone’s “Gamma Gamma Hey”, and Pearl Jam’s “Can’t Find a Beta Man”.




Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: