I Can't Make You Love Me If You Don't

by DavalosMcCormack on January 11, 2011

In most people’s lives, there is a natural yearning in the heart to be loved. There is a need to share a life with a wonderful person who loves you back.  It is the urge to be a set, a partnership, a couple that makes us think all will be perfect when that someone enters our life.  But  so many times we are blinded by the need to be loved, to belong to  someone that it makes us look outward for happiness. I have even heard the statement  ” You complete me.”  But we really need to complete ourselves and it is an on-going process!

How to be Lovable

In truth, it is really self-love that opens the door to sharing and becoming a person who is lovable.  Everything is ultimately an expression of self-love from the way you take care of your health, how you dress, your posture, even what you say to yourself is a sign of self-love or self-hate.  I have clients who become overwhelmed with self-doubt and are filled with judgments about their success or failure to be what they had hoped to become. They compare themselves to others and undoubtedly become filled with anxiety and doubt, which makes for a very unhappy person and a person who is hard to love.

It is a well known fact, that people are attracted to people who have a good opinion of  themselves and exhibit a relaxed manner.  If a fellow enters the room well groomed, confident stride and an easy manner, people in the room take notice.  You can do that for yourself.   It’s called self-love – that doesn’t mean you’re full of yourself!  It means you are kind and loving to yourself.  You don’t judge too harshly, you keep yourself physically and mentally strong.

Finding true love

The deeper you love yourself in the truest sense of the word means simply you are already loved. It creates a freedom to accept who you are already!  It means  you are free to become the person you want to be.  People who are the architects of their of their own lives are people who understand that they can’t do certain things, they have no control over others, they realize that they are really fine and happy with themselves and stop yearning for someone else to enter their lives and make them “happy” or “complete” .  They create their own lives.

So if you create a life you enjoy you are creating a future that will be one that you want.  We create our futures everyday when we make loving, kind choices for ourselves, making sure we are healthy and strong and cared for.  The future is not a place we are going, we are creating our future right now.  It begins with kind, non-judgmental self-love, which is extremely attractive.

Take some time as we begin this new year.  What 3 things do you truly love about yourself.  Keep those in mind when you feel down about yourself and remember being complete just the way you are is always going to be a work in progress. But it’s a labor of love.

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