How Al-Qaeda Can Help You Lose Weight!

by DavalosMcCormack on December 30, 2009

It is not very often that you get to thank an international terrorist organization for anything, but al Qaeda may just have given us the tools to create our very own weapon of mass destruction. The mass in question is ourselves, the excess pounds many of us carry around. The weapon, is a high tech screening tool.

When I read about the Nigerian student accused to trying to blow up an airliner with chemicals sewn into his underpants my first thought was “how uncomfortable, particularly on a long flight from Europe.”

Then I read all the newspaper accounts about how he was allegedly able to get past airport security checks because metal detectors don’t pick up chemicals. Well duh! However, there are some other airport security screening devices that could detect potentially explosive chemicals, even if they are hidden in your skiddies. These devices use radio waves to scan the body, effectively creating a 3-D image of you or whoever else happens to be in the machine. It’s quick, non-invasive, accurate, and the machines are already in place at 40 airports in the U.S.

There’s just one problem. The machines pretty much show everything. And I do mean everything. Because they show the contours of the body in great clarity many privacy groups, such as the Electronic Privacy Information Center, object to their use, saying they “capture images of individuals stripped naked.” Now the person isn’t naked in the machine, but the image the device creates certainly gives that impression.


And that’s when it struck me. Let’s use that image to help us all lose weight!

Here’s how it works. At the airport you go through the full-body imaging device and get to see what you look like, essentially without your clothes on. So do other people. If you are in bad shape the experience could be mortifying, horrifying, and even rather unpleasant. It might even provide the spur you need to do what you have been promising to do for years, namely lose weight and get in shape.

Now, having those machines at the airport is great for national security but not so useful for a national weight loss program. So, we take some of the money from the health care reform bill currently making its way through Congress – come on, they won’t miss a few billion dollars – and use it to buy hundreds of these machines and place them in shopping malls and in the entry way to all our favorite fast food restaurants and pizza parlors.

Think how many people would change their minds about snacking down on a Big Mac Bacon Burger with extra cheese and fries if they knew the only way to get into the restaurant to order it would be to go through the full-body imaging device, and having that image pop up on the screens above the checkout counter.  Walking through the scanner and into the restaurant, seeing all those heads turn to look at you, knowing they know exactly what you are hiding under that outsized t-shirt, knowing they know you really need to eat a salad and not some big old slab of fat and meat, would really cause you to think twice about going in, or ordering what you really want.

Is public humiliation a nice way of forcing people to pay more attention to their body weight? Of course not, but this is war, who said anything about being nice or playing fair. It’s not an infringement of anyone’s rights, after all you are free to choose not to go into the restaurant if you don’t want to undergo the scan. The choice is still yours. There are just a few added consequences in chosing to enter.

In the past those consequences were that you spent a few dollars and packed on a few thousand calories. Those will still apply. But now you also have to face the fact that you are there on public display for everyone else to see.

These machines could mean that not only do the terrorists lose but so do the rest of us. They lose a way to attack us, and we lose weight. Now that’s a win win in my book.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

mike brown December 30, 2009 at 4:32 pm

It takes -3500 calories to loose a pound, which means you need to both burn calories by working out & take less calories in by eating in order to loose weight.

Eat fruits & veggies of course. It’s typical to eat a small breakfast and a big dinner, but my health teacher said you actually want to do the opposite. And never skip breakfast, it helps you loose weight. I stopped drinking pop and lost 50 pounds in 1 year!! Don’t drink juice. You’d think fruit juice is good for you, but its not. It has alot of sugar and extra calories. People say dont eat carbs’ not true, 60% of your diet is supposed to be from some type of carbs… just make sure you eat whole grain or whole wheat bread. And drink only skim milk, all others aren’t so great for you. Just watch what you eat and pay attention to nutrition labels!

Make sure you do some weight bearing activities along with cardio, it’ll help build muscle and burn fat! If you cant buy a gym membership try going for a walk or run outside, doing jumping jacks, jump rope, running up & down your stairs, lifting weights, doings situps & pushups.. those are just some ideas that’ll help! Click Here to visit my blog Strategies You MUST Know if You Ever Want to Lose Weight


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