Joke of the Day – Crazy Chef Speaks

by DavalosMcCormack on August 6, 2009

Today’s blog is about cooking, TV and celebrity chefs so it seemed appropriate to have the joke of the day about the same topic. So here is a collection of the wit and wisdom – ok, no wit and precious little wisdom – of a celebrity chef from England, Marco Pierre White. Never heard of him? After reading this you’ll be glad you never met him.

This is from my new favorite column, “Did I Say That” in the Guardian newspaper.

On his reputation

I never told anyone to cry, they did it themselves (2009)

On protege Gordon Ramsay

What is his story? It’s boring. What is his motivation? Money. What is a tree without roots? A piece of wood (2008)

On seducing his third wife

At the end of the evening I would sit at the bar flicking matches in her direction as she took care of customers (2006)

On his first TV series

If you wish me to cut myself on screen, then I’ll do it. But don’t expect me to sell my heart (1989)

To Lisa Butcher on the first day of their honeymoon

I don’t love you (1992)

On starting the day

I have a three-course breakfast – a cigarette, a cough and a coffee (2007)

On Jamie Oliver calling him a psychological bully

I’d like to hear him say it to my face, because I’ll wipe the floor with him… Nothing but a fat chef with a drum kit (2007)

On cooking a lunch for Princess Diana

The only way I can get out of meeting Diana is if she dies (1997)

After throwing six different cheeses at a wall

Leave them there. Leave them there all night. No one is allowed to touch them (1990)

On replacing Damien Hirst’s art on the walls of Quo Vadis, after they fell out

I tried spot painting then I’d slash up the picture and call it “Divorce”… Damien had done his DNA model, so I made a model with bull’s eyes and called it “BSE” (2006)

Asked if he still got pleasure from cooking

None whatsoever. I cannot stand it (2006)

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: